Me and My Shadow
by hooknleather
Summary: My take on what Emma was feeling when the shadow gave her the wand in 6x17, from which I have yet to recover.


Me and My Shadow

Her heart raced. This was it, the moment her parents would reawaken. To see her mother struggling to keep her eyes open as she leant over the bed towards David tore Emma up inside. The empty ache left by the loss of Killian by her side was amplified as she watched her mother's fatigue increase.

"We don't have much time." Snow said as she clamboured onto the mattress next to Emma's sleeping father, whilst Regina sprinkled the dust from the flower into a vial. Emma aided her mother, knowing that too much work could increase the process of the curse.

Emma couldn't help but worry, _what if it didn't work? What if there was too little?_ To see a field of flowers representing hope be taken cruelly away from them by Gold's son and mother was indescribable. To have hope ripped away like a bandaid pulling at skin was one of the worst pains Emma had experienced in a long time.

"Regina, please tell me there's enough." Emma said, looking to the queen as she stoppered the vial and made her way over. The panic was rising now. _What if she was left alone?_ Her pirate was trapped in another realm, her parents were cursed, her fate lay undecided and her possible death was approaching. Regina's response didn't soothe her tension.

"Barely." Emma closed her eyes, her anxiety rising. "But it'll do."

Those three words eased her frantic soul an inch. But the weight of the situation burdened Emma. She clenched her teeth together nervously as Regina handed the vial to her mother. But then something happened. Something none of them expected.

A rush of black flew in through through the open window.

Emma staggered back, her hands instinctively rising to fight any danger, an attribute of being the savior. The burst of wind that followed the creature whipped through her hair and her head jerked around to follow the black figure.

"What now?" Came from Regina as the figure darted past, her snarky attitude snapping back in place as the situation interrupted their plan. Emma's stomach dropped. _Who else could it be?_

"The Black Fairy." She said as she rushed towards the figure. "She wants to stop us."

Nothing would stop her from waking her parents. _Nothing_.

She skidded to a halt in front of the creature, her eyes wide. She didn't need Henry's comment of "That's not the Black Fairy." As soon as she saw the silver gleam hanging from the black figure's foot she knew.

"It's a shadow."

 _Thanks, Captian Obvious_. Emma thought as she looked into the bright white eyes that stood out against the deep black form. Her mouth was agape in shock as she recognised it. She knew that shape. She knew those eyes. She knew who it was. _Killian_.

"It's Hook's shadow." She said, the words grounding her as she realised the gravity of the situation. _He must be in Neverland._ Her heart fluttered as it usually did whenever Killian neared her as the shadow lowered itself towards her. Their hands, the flesh and the nonexistent, reached for each other. She blinked as a small piece of wood passed into her hand.

She shivered. For a brief, barely there moment, her skin had met with the shadow. Except it didn't feel like a shadow. It was solid, warm. For a brief moment, Emma's finger touched Killian's, the warmth of his flesh sending a tingle shooting down her arm.

She looked at the small, sharp piece of wood for a moment, confusion overloading her senses. She looked back into those bright eyes.

"What is this?" She asked, even though she knew the figure of her pirate couldn't respond. Panic settled in again. _What had happened? Why was Killian separated from his shadow?_ "Where's Hook?!" She practically shouted, her voice firm and laced with fear.

With a loud, knee-jerking clatter, the hook that had been precariously dangling from the shadow's foot hit the floor. It seemed to take Emma's heart with it. She grabbed it, the cold metal familiar against her skin. But the intensity of chill hit her hard. It was ice cold, no evidence that it had been worn by its owner within a short period of time.

"There's something wrong." She knew it. She felt it. The ache within her spread exponentially, the emptiness filling every part of her, every sense, cell and pore was wreaked with loneliness.

"He's in trouble." She whispered to herself, hope fading fast. "What's going on?" She looked back to the shadow, panic rushing through her veins. She needed him. She needed him to be okay. She needed him back. She needed him by her side.

"WHERE IS HE?" She couldn't control it. Her heart seemed to bleed as the emptiness that had been slowly increasing with every minute that Killian was gone exploded throughout her. And panic and desperation filled the void in her soul.

But then, as she looked into those blank eyes, she saw Killian. Saw his emotion, the raw, unbridled emotion that he always displayed to her. The world faded away as she looked into the solid white. Except to Emma, the white was blue. A brilliant blue that pierced her very soul. The blue grew closer, as the shadow approached her.

She couldn't break her gaze, her eyes seeing only Killian. She stopped breathing as the shadow extended its transparent black hand once again. And then, he was there. The hand touched her face. And it was Killian's hand, warm and familiar. His flesh caressed her cheek. Her eyes closed, her head tilted into the warmth.

Emma drifted away, the action so familiar. She recalled in that instant, in that second, every single touch Killian had placed on her cheek.

 _Their first kiss in Neverland._

 _When he traded his ship for her._

 _After their first date._

 _The first time he held her at night._

Emma felt at peace. Her heart began to fix, the emptiness being filled with the love of Killian that spread from the warm hand against her cheek.

But then, it was gone.

Emma's eyes snapped open, the blue being taken once again by cold, blinding white. She felt Killian slip away, his prescence by her side fading. She tried to reach out but the shadow was gone.

"No..." She whispered, her hands clenched tightly around the rough wood and smooth hook. "No!" She repeated, the desperation sweeping through her once more. She needed him. She needed him more than she had ever needed anyone. She needed him back. Back with her. Back by her side.

She couldn't have been more torn when her mother refused the powder, but as soon as the vial was placed in her hand, and her mother's head fell onto the pillow next to her father's, Emma couldn't be more sure. She was getting back her pirate.

She immediately flung the powder, and didn't wait until the door had fully materialised. She burst through the glimmering yellow portal, no fear or trepidation holding her back. She felt herself pushed by the force of true love, and the sight before her was nothing she had expected.

Neverland had become a haven for the lost boys to run rampant, and she yelled Killian's name in fear when she saw him atop a pile of logs and against a stake. _This has turned into Lord of the Flies._ She thought as she rushed forwards. Her name flew through the air, taking her aback when she heard the smooth gravel of Killian's voice. Her heart soared. _He's okay. He's alive. He's here._

They ran for each other, forcing lost boys out of the way in a desperate attempt to reach the other. Finally, she felt the warmth of Killian's hand in hers, his real hand. The shiver of electricity that pulsed up her arm was intense, and entirely wonderful. Without thinking, she pulled him, racing back towards the portal that reminded her so much of home, the glistening yellow was so similar to the yellow of the Bug she had once called home.

She noticed the gentle caress of the magic as she stepped through this time, her fingers interlocked with Killian's tightly as she tugged him with her. She wouldn't let go for anything. The force of the magic was multiplied intensely this time, as both members of the true love shared passed through. It was so strong that they were knocked off of their feet, with Killian landing atop her.

Emma would have giggled at the reversed situation to the last time they felt the powerful force of true love, but her need to reach for Killian properly outweighed the urge. She needed to touch him, to make sure he was real and okay. She wanted to hold him tightly and never let him go again.

Frantically, they got to their feet, with the help of Henry and Regina. He grunted and grimaced, evidently in a lot of pain. _What had those kids done to him?_

"How did you-?" He asked, his hand clutching his side.

Emma instantly reached for him, her hand touching his cheek.

"We got your message."

No matter how frightened she was, how worried she had been, how much panic had seeped through her, Emma couldn't help but feel elated. Relief had been like a fresh breath of air, the emptiness inside of her filling once again with love and adoration for the man before her. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him, seeing the blue once again instead of white blankness.

But his grimace of pain ripped the blue away from her. Fear hit again, she hated this, hated seeing her pirate in pain. Memories of the Underworld resurfaced, Killian hung above the River of Lost Souls, blood marred into his hair. His lack of a hook only intensified those memories, and she whipped around to grab the smooth metal arch. As she did when she found him in Hades' lair, she clipped the hook back into place, completing the pirate.

"I'm sorry, Emma." He said, his breathing heavy and laced with pain. She looked at him, she hadn't even considered him apologising. _Why should he?_ She was just as much to blame. She had forced the proposal, not given him the chance. Their relationship was built on the two of them, their faults were shared, not separated.

"I should've told you what I did to your grandfather all those years ago. And I should never, never even considered running away."

The raw emotion that she had come to love so much was back, his eyes conveying his every feeling to her. She quietened him with a gentle 'ssh', her hand rising to its familiar place against his leather covered bicep, the heat of his body warming her.

"It's okay." She reassured him. "I didn't exactly make it easy for you to tell me the truth." She noticed the gash on his hairline, his heavy, pained breaths finally breaking her motherly instinct to help. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

She tried to guide him to sit down, but he stopped her.

"No." She looked at him, surprised. "No, there's something I have to do before I get pushed into another portal." She watched as he reached inside his jacket with difficulty due to his injuries. "And this time..." He managed extract the diamond ring that she regretted ever removing from her finger in the first place. "I'm gonna do it the right way."

His thumb ran along the edge of the small silver circlet, a loving caress that she knew all too well. Many a time had she felt that same motion, whether it be along the back of her hand, across her spine or... other places... She knew instantly what the ring meant to Killian, he saw it as a part of her.

"Swan..."

She looked at him, knowing what was coming, and knowing answer would be. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt in her mind, that this was the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, the man who would spend each night and day by her side.

"I know that you face an uncertain future, but there's one thing I want you to be certain of. That I will always, always be by your side."

Emma melted, a smile finally managing to pry her lips. She looked down, the happiness surrounding her, love blossoming within her chest as he spoke. As small laugh escaped her lips. _By her side._ The reappearance of his presence was overwhelming after so long apart. But he was here, with her, where he should be. Just the feel of him being beside her sent her heart into overload.

"So..." She looked back into the beautiful blue eyes that she loved so much. The smile that set on his face as he said her name and lowered himself uncomfortably to his knee sent a ripple through Emma's stomach. _She loved him so much._

"Emma Swan." Her breathing was heavy as she looked down at him, the position all too familiar but the feeling completely different. Before was a moment of exhilaration, she had been blinded by her discovery, not noticing Killian all that much over her excitement. But this time, he was all she saw. The slight trickle of blood on his temple, the fatigue under his eyes, the unruly mess that was his hair. His clothes were dirty, he wore the new jacket she had bought him for winter. She couldn't stop looking at him, this man, her true love, her pirate. She loved him more than anything.

"What do you say?" She smiled at his repetition of her phrase where she had coaxed him into proposing, the sentiment switching the atmosphere. _It was really happening._ The way his eyes bore into hers, full of love, affection, adoration was uplifting, Emma felt boyant as he lifted the ring once again. "Will you marry me?"

He looked so young, so free as he spoke those words again. The secret he had been burdened with before was gone, lifting a weight from his eyes. Emma couldn't stop smiling, and she lowered herself to her knees before him. If they were going to do this, they were not going to be on different levels. They were going to be where they should be. By each other's side.

Her hands landed on his shoulders, her eyes and his communicating every last inch of love in that tender second as he waited for her answer. The quiet stillness of the moment was unbelievable. Before, Emma had been fast to say yes, pulling Killian to his feet, the moment almost frantic. But Emma took her time, because she knew, as long as she had her pirate by her side, they had all of the time in the world.

"Yes."

That one word made the world around her shift. Killian grinned, laughing slightly whilst she smiled at him, her hands lifting to cup his face. They were both, unbelievably and unequivocally happy. She leant forwards, not wanting to waste a single second. Their lips met, the days since they had last finally catching up. It felt like their kiss outside Granny's after they had been sucked through the time portal all over again, pure and simple. They clung to each other, desperate to not part for a second ever again.

Her thumb stroked his cheek softly as they broke apart, both reeling in the aftershocks of love. A small breathy chuckle escaped his lips as she rested her forehead against his, the feel of the happy air dancing across Emma's own lips. Then he pulled back, remembering where he was.

As soon as his hand lifted, Emma stretched out her fingers. The cold silver of her ring slid back into place. The smooth drag felt almost electrically charged this time, the weight against her skin finally closing off the empty feeling inside of her. Emma knew, as long as she had Killian Jones' ring on her finger, and Killian Jone by her side, she would never feel incomplete and empty again

A tear slipped from under her eye as she looked at him, their fingers playing together as he placed the ring on her finger. She knew, with no doubt, that that ring would never, ever, leave her finger again. He was back, and she was never letting him go again.


End file.
